i've been in hiding

OK!

today is the day i come back into the universe!!!

i have been in my dungeon planning my grind!!

you know what ... there is nothing i can do to prepare now!!! i just have to shut up and do it!!!

i live for everything involved... i want to wake up late, go to the venue completely busted, chatting it up, transforming in the makeup chair, playing in the mirror... i love it all... sweating under the lights, the nervousness that turns into i am going to throw up or i have to pee and then all of a sudden i am in another place and experiencing everything at the same time ... i need this!

today i am doing what i know how to do! hitting the pavement to find a job that will pay the bills i was hoping that it would not come down to this and that i was going to be able to make money right now getting paid to be me but clearly this is not going to happen. so HE (me) needs to do what he has to do to make ends meet... but i am definitely not giving up on this dream!!!

i was thinking last night about how people get really excited and obsessed with celebrities or entertainers... i don't think i have ever really been for real GAGA about any one... like of course the G-icons , like Bette, Kristen Chenoweth, Divas in general... but I have not had any ONE artist who has changed my life... i am a little bit jealous, i must say

BUT, i do get inspiration from many artists!!! Nikka Costa, Mika, Bette, Whoopi, Lady GaGa, Tyler Perry, .. there are just so many!!! 

the point of my story today is that i am just going to keep trucking!!! eventually preparation will meet opportunity and that is where my LUCK is ... and until those moments i will do what i know how to do .... LIVE ...lol ...

kthanksbye

I WANT TO WORK WITH

I KNOW that i am in serious need of a new vision board... but i thought that since this has to do with what i am doing ... i would write it down here ... and get creative with imagery on my walls laters...

there are some artists and performers i want to work with REAL BAD
ADEL
CALVIN HARRIS
REGINA SPEKTOR
SHOSHANA BEAN
NIKKA COSTA
BEYONCE
LADY GAG
BETTE MIDLER
JENNIFER HUDSON
PATTI LABELLE
BETH DITTO
MIKA
JAMAROQUI
BILLY PORTER
CHAKA


THERE ARE SO MANY

some times is is just fun to make a list ... i need to get another fix of my drug ... the stage... here we go ... working on the next proj...

taking tally

WOW... I seriously LML

OK... I have to say that even though I DID NOT WIN that showcase on wed night ... it was NOT a fail for me!!! I got some pretty great comments from the industry judges .. i actually think i got the least brutal critiques and for some one like myself to even be in a competition for songwriter/performers when i had only finished these songs in the past three months and had never completed a song before that ... I will take everything as a success...

I must also say as a side note that the power of my universe is strong.. even as a kid when i called it prayer ... the universe just handles shit for me ... I had said that i did not want to win this competition because i thought that my friends' band Assemble The Skyline needed to win ...one for their talent... two they worked WAAAAY harder than i did and three... the lead singer Luke had been trying to win this competition for at least a year and finally got in it.... so i was like LOOOOK ... please win this shit ... and then i told him that i'm just going to want some studio time ... kind of being a smart ass

but let me tell you that ... one of the judges was late ... missing my set... Dun DUN DUUNNNNN!!! because they had to pick a winner and the one judge didn't get to see my stuff they chose luke's band and gave us all studio time .... of course the winning band got more time .. but hell FREE studio time ... "I WILL TAKE IT THANK A BURNCH"...

So in the time since the panel with the judges ... i have seriously thought about my life and career.... and realized that this is completely possible ... connsidering one of the A&R peeps said that Perez would totally eat me up! ... another said "that i just need to take the greenlight i have been given and just GO!!!" ... ummm OKAY!!!! i mean i must say that they did say that there were some things with the songs that i should fix and ... some stuff with the band's image ... but G.A.F... i wasn't trying to be a BAND ... i was just proud of myself for finishing something that i never ever thought i would be able to do ...

bottom line .. the bands that played were all kind of BOMBSQUADS... i sang backups for my friend THAT GUY DARIAN's band and that was a good time ... i think i just LML and LOOOVE performing .... i am so grateful to all of my friends that came and witnessed my songwriter deflowering ....

GET ON IT ... CUZ I'M NOT SLOWING DOWN

A friend of mine posted some pictures on their facebook from a show I did the other night!!! And I must say, it is really weird to enjoy performing so much... I NEVER GET TO WATCH MY SELF LIVE!! That is no bueno!

I love being around people who are my brand of crazy... one of the nine varieties! I truly believe that somehow being around others who are not afraid to let their ridiculousness seep out of their pores allows all involved to reach a much higher level of crazy-fun-time-sandwich-deluxe.

Now all I have to do is finish the finals for the classes that I can still pass, Kick it at this A&R showcase on wed, go to graduation on Friday and then start the insane process of finding work! LOOK OUT!!! I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE GREEN LIGHT!

Lately I have been receiving completely positive energy in regards to my talent! It has taken so much of my life to reach this point where not only do I believe it but I am being supported by others who feel that they believe in me more than I could imagine to believe in myself. I want to stay on the train through POSITIVE STATION all the way to SUCCESS JUNCTION!

LIFE is sooo GOOO right now ... I might not be able to pay rent next month ... but I am on cloud nine... hop on this OhmazeBalls train with me ....

the good with the band

I woke up on time this morning! My only issues was this immense migraine that kept me from moving. It was so painful I really had no other choice but to shut the windows block out the light and close my eyes. I woke up two hours later to a missed call. I wish i had answered it but the damned migraine was still keeping me down... I must say that the message that I received was QUALITY! I was chosen as one of four bands to compete in an A&R showcase! I was in the top four out of 18-19 bands!!! Hells to the yes! that was a great feeling! I wanted to enjoy it so badly!

My glorious roommate Noni knew how much pain I was in and gave me a vicodin! All that sloppy pill did was make my body feel wonderful. It did nothing for my head! I tried slowly but surely to call the band and make sure they were available for the show next week! This would have been much more exciting had I not want to scalp myself and if I could dial with out the phone looking fuzzy.

SO, YES !!! Even though I did NOT make it to any classes today OR my friends' dance show, it was still a really great day for me! I want to make sure that i roll with this positive experience and keep it moving forward! I do not want this to sit for to long because I know that I have an extremely last minute and lazy nature!!! A change gone come!

Also there are a few phone calls I need to make I have a couple shows I want to put together!

Life is certainly looking up!

my main BUB

I realize that anytime there is something in my life that I HAVE to do while there is also something that I WANT to do I will always ignore what I HAVE to be doing.

I simply just don't enjoy it. So I go about my business living and loving in the bubble i have created for myself!

my main BUB( bubble of fun I create):

PERFORMING!!! I AM ON SUCH A HIGH RIGHT NOW!!!

Tonight was the first time I had ever played any of my original music in front of an audience!

So I was really excited about tonight ... whenever there is a show I am doing I sort of forget the rest of the world exists... I create this BUB and it is fantastic... everything about the past three months has been about getting my songs done and rehearsed with a band ...

right .. wow i am so ADD ... I am listening to Liz Callaway sing and it is phenomballs

so I must say that I got some really great positive affirmations that I was on the right path... it felt really good for people that I respect to say such bomb squad things

SIDE STORY**** i must say that i have quite a few friends that i hold close to my heart... they are the most supportive and encouraging human beings... It is a really strange feeling for me to have a friend who support and friendship is conditional! i think i will write about this on my tumblr because i wanted this space to be about my career and such ...

BACK TO STORY****

ok if you have read this far ... i am so sorry i am scatter brain train at the moment.

the whole point of me writing this is to say how much i feel at home on the stage ... in front of people i don't really feel in front of them i feel more with them than anything!

• I love everything about performing
• i love rehearsals ... when i don't have to schedule them
• i love costumes
• i love makeup
• i love mirrors
• i love love love green rooms and the energy that flows from floor to walls to cellings
• i getting nervous
• i love watching other people get nervous
• i love being able to completely plug in and feel like i am not present but completely aware of everything
• i love eating backstage
• i love watching other people come of stage looking like complete defeation
• i love applause
• i love laughter
• i love my band

see this is what i mean... I feel so at home with a mic in my hand, on a stand, in my hair. I just know that I need to do this for the rest of my life. But I will say that there is always this feeling of WTF ... am I allowed to be this ridiculous? Can I really have this much fun right now?

So I hope that I made it to the next round of the competition. I find out tomorrow!

I have got to go to bed ... my mind is going crazy!

LANCE*

today i had a battle with myself over the dumbest thing.

do i use a stage name or do i go with the given name.

i decided i am just going to use my given name until something happens where i need to take on a different name ... i am not creating a new persona ... this is me through and through. this whole name thing has really bugged me for a while. i have had several mentors in my life tell me it would be a great idea to use a stage name. but when i think about it i just want to go by LANCE... but i can't do that ... and i think i have spent so much time becoming me that i really like who i am at the moment and would not be mad if the rest of the world jumped on the i love me train ...(in turn loving themselves more)

even the names my friends call me don't even do my ridiculous life justice :

RANCH

BLANCH

LANIS

LANCE-A- LOT... (not like the camelot one ... like lance-entirely-to-much)

DUSTY,FILTHY, MUSTY, CRUSTY... each individually followed by C#%T

DIVA

i wish i had the most bomb squad nickname... but i don't

i wanted to use The Lance Francis, Lance Francis Bariglio, Hara Bariglio, Selwin Sinclair, Tito Lee Cade,

i don't even have fun initials

in all actuality i used to sign my name LANCE* with a giant star after it ... and i think i want to just roll with that ... i feel like i am going through a "Just Jack" thing but i am serious. the only other names i have been called in this life were the most degrading, rude, hurtful, soul-ripping slurs. I prefer the star...

so until the universe strikes with inspiration for a stage name .. i am going to have to go back and delete that youtube and twitter and myspace... i was creating for The lance francis i am who i am ... i am no sasha fierce...

i am LANCE*